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e-mail us for your free original copy of the following article.
The Line Kings
We field-test the approaches of three pickup artists
BY T.G. RAND
Man flies across the continent, faxes
around the globe and rockets to the moon. But to his perpetual chagrin, man
generally remains, in this final wink of the millennium, the one who must
risk rejection and humiliation by tossing out what is classically known as
"the line." Often remiss in this obligation, he's left to wonder that had
he, in fact, introduced himself, the object of his adoration may have
offered her phone number. It is this reservoir of introduction-induced
anxiety that brings to the fore three wildly disparate gurus of the art of
pickup. We turned to them to learn what women most want to see and hear when
approached by a strange (unknown, not odd) man. Eric Weber is a diminutive,
fatherly advertising copywriter who, some 25 years ago, penned the seminal
How to Pick Up Girls! Ross Jeffries is a tall, gangly, demonic
aficionado of a hypnotic technique called neurolinguistic programming (NLP)
and the author of the pointedly titled How to Get the Women You Desire
Into Bed . John Eagan is an Irish bartender with 23 years' experience
observing pickups - successful and failed. Men's Fitness spoke to
these specialists, reviewed their dissertations and field- tested their
opening lines. Fanning out through the greater Los Angeles area, we
approached a variety of women. Though only one real-life scenario is
presented for each author, we include a final one-to-five rating based on
the percentage of phone numbers acquired using each technique.
PICKUP GURU: ERIC WEBER Biography: Married, four children,
successful ad executive; best known for creating the "I'm a Pepper, You're a
Pepper," soft drink ad campaign of the early 1980s.
Inspiration: As a young man in New York City during the 1960s, he
wanted to get laid.
Classic work: How to Pick Up Girls!
Oeuvre: How to Pick Up Women, Shy Person's Guide to a Happier Love
Life, How to Make Love to Single Women (illustrated), 100 best Opening
Lines! Approach: Racy scenarios conceal what is actually an avuncular
outlook ("A good smile automatically melts a woman!"). Paradoxically
encourages honesty and forthrightness while suggesting white lies as the
backbone of technique. (Pretend that you're from out of town, or you're
shopping for a gift for your sister, and so on.)
Author's personal advice to Men's Fitness readers: It's important to
meet a lot of people. Put dramatically less pressure on forcing any one
encounter to become an immediate sexual conquest."
Report from the front: Following Weber's advice, we set out to meet
"a lot of people" - in fact, eight on one Tuesday afternoon. Of Weber's mix
of 50 great opening lines, the most effective were the ones that elicited
some type of help or advice - asking about the freshness of produce in a
grocery store, requesting directions, inquiring whether our tie was
straight, etc. The worst-received line involved asking a woman with a
newspaper, "Could I look at how the stock market did today?" This was
supposed to make us look like a tycoon, according to Weber; in reality, it
made us look like we couldn't afford a newspaper. All we got was a blank,
annoyed stare.
Location: Arco Tower, downtown Los Angeles. We stand in the lobby
waiting for an elevator.
Object of affection: Purposeful-looking blonde, early 30s. Short
hair, short skirt, heavy makeup; checks her watch three times.
Line: "Is my tie straight? I'm going to an important meeting and want
to look just right."
Response: Reaches up silently and straightens it for us. Then checks
her watch.
Outcome: When we asked for her phone number, she said, "I thought you
were going to an important meeting." We insisted we were. Phone number:
acquired.
Rating:
PICKUP GURU: ROSS JEFFRIES Biography: Single and in his late 30s,
Jeffries wrote the screenplay for They Still Call Me Bruce, of which
film critic Leonard Maltin once wrote, simply: "It's awful."
Inspiration: As a man in his 30s living in Southern California, he
was bummed about "always being the buddy. I had no trouble meeting women,
they just all wanted to be my friend," he says.
Classic work: How to Get the Women You Desire.
Oeuvre: How to Have Incredibly Beautiful Women Eating Out of the
Palm of Your Hand (audio tape). Also markets How to Be the Jerk Women Love
.
Approach: Ruthless, mercenary, possibly illegal. Jeffries recommends
employing lies, deception and the power of suggestion to create "state
changes" in women. His technique, he claims, can leave you just a "minute
away from at least some seriously .............. Jeffries's book also
supplies lines to aim at ........... who reject his poetic come-ons. On a
Pyrrhically positive note, chronic low-self-esteem types can take heart from
Jeffries's relentlessly downbeat characterization of women as shameless
manipulators and exploiters.
Author's personal advice to Men's Fitness readers: "It's a lot easier
to let a fish reel you in than for you to reel in a fish. Create a state
connection (sort of a hypnotic condition).
Report from the front: Few women acknowledged us. Those who did were
annoyed. Jeffries's set-ups pretty much fit into two categories: straight
pickup lines and outright scams. An example of the latter is sitting in a
bar poring over models' photographs and telling any woman who'll listen that
your sister is casting for a television movie. We stayed away from the scams
and field-tested a few of Jeffries's straight pickup lines.
Location: TGI Friday's, Woodland Hills, California. Voluptuous
blonde, mid-20s, hoop earrings, swigging a Corona.
Line: "By what name are you called, you shining example of genetic
perfection?" (This was repeated twice for clarity.)
Response: "Did you just escape or something?"
Outcome: As instructed, we riposted with a "slashing comebacks":
"You've got a little piece of snot hanging out of your nose," to which she
responded: "That's disgusting. Is there something wrong with you?" Phone
number: not acquired.
Rating: 0
PICKUP GURU: JOHN EAGAN
Biography: Bartender with 23 years' experience "working in the
trenches." He knows the score, man. Married for six years to a woman he
picked up in his bar using the line. "You're beautiful, would you consider
joining me for dinner sometime?"
Inspiration: He thought he should impart his vast bar-acquired wisdom
to the rest of us.
Classic Work: How to Pick Up Beautiful Women (in Nightclubs or Any
other Place).
Oeuvre: Strawberry daiquiris, martinis, vodka gimlets, etc.
Approach: Sensible, straightforward. Believes that men, confused by
women of the '90s, have become pathetic, impotent cauldrons of angst spewing
lines that range from the juvenile ("Haven't I seen you somewhere before?")
to the offensive ("You've got a great butt.") Book's strong point: In their
own handwriting, 50 women respond to a questionnaire Eagan devised that
really does provide a sense of what women want to hear and see when
approached by a stranger. (Most prefer short hair, a smile, a nice
personality and a sense of humor.)
Author's personal advice to Men's Fitness readers: "Never ask a woman
to dance as an opening line because if she's not in the mood to dance,
she'll say 'no.'"
Report from the front: Eagan provides 10 guaranteed pickup lines,
nearly of all which involve telling the woman she's beautiful. We hit on a
cross-section of women, and even the ones we would have pegged as feminists
seemed genuinely flattered.
Location: Los Angeles County Museum of Art. Slim brunette, mid 20s,
long, wild hair, no makeup, jeans, backpack, high-tops.
Line: "It's never easy meeting a complete stranger, especially one as
beautiful as you, without being properly introduced. But shall we try
anyway?"
Response: "Sure. Okay. What's your name?"
Outcome : Never underestimate the power of a corny line. Phone
number: acquired.
Rating:
T.G. Rand , Men's Fitness health editor, says the only time
he ever saw a fish reel in a man was in Jaws.
The following is the Introduction of the book: "How To 'Pick Up'
Beautiful Women" by John Eagan
INTRODUCTION
Imagine
yourself walking into a crowded room, seeing the most beautiful woman in
there, and knowing that you have the knowledge and power to have that woman
any time you want. This might sound like a fantasy to you, and to many
others, but with the proper knowledge and information, which you will get
from this book, you will have the know-how to do just that. There
is a method and technique to everything in life and this is no different.
The idea is to find someone who can unlock the secrets through years of
observation and experience and use it to your advantage.
Those
beautiful women that send your blood pressure through the roof. The opposite
sex that causes feelings inside us men that only we can ever understand. You
would have to pump a tanker truck full of testosterone into a female for
them to remotely understand the drive that we men have to control every day
of our lives.
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